Hmf...

Where's my G-dDam F***ing sense of relief?!?!

Maybe I didn't let go of enough...

Maybe I'm supposed to let go of the fairytale life dream where my kids forgive me, I become successful, people understand and laugh at my jokes or hold me through the struggles, I am accepted where I live...

Maybe I'm not as talented as I once believed? Not as beautiful or thin as I once was... Maybe I'm not crazy at all, Maybe maybe may be...

The cold snap has snapped me. I feel brittle inside. I feel corded off from some sort of reality I'm just not privy to...The hands are up and pushing. I want to go. Home. Big Hill Country. Mighty River. Silence and starry nights. Camp fires and toasted marshmallows.

The longing + the ache make me wonder what the hell else was I ever looking for and why the hell has it taken me so long to remember?