Laid down a few drumtracks this morning with lots of new and recycled ideas flowing... I need to practice my guitar more! My fingertips have become almost virginal in their callous-less-ness...
It feels good to be doing what I always wanted to do again, this time on a smaller scale with no delusions of grandeur.
I'm planning on going to work today as well. Two hours in the gallery will be good for me.
I'm so glad it's Monday- House is on tonight.
Monday, October 5, 2009
YES!
Big sigh... The cork of depression has popped and I am me again. The smile is real. It feels so good to be back! No more extra medication for me, Ma...
Last night I dreamed of dancing with G in a huge loft with lots of people with really big hair. Flock of Seagulls hair. when we went back to his place I noticed that the building was falling apart, half burned out and completely unstable- He and his neighbors in the next apartment didn't seem to mind. I thought to myself- artists will live anywhere to save a buck.
I awoke at 5:10 am thinking about drumtracks and possibilities.Sleep is a very good thing.
The need to be in a place of beauty and like minded people with opportunity and acceptance of creativity has become apparent to me.
Yes, I'm moving!
Don't worry. It's not far, and we knew this day was on it's way at least four years ago.
Now I have the education and stability to really do it and make it work for all of those involved.
She blogged hopefully...
Last night I dreamed of dancing with G in a huge loft with lots of people with really big hair. Flock of Seagulls hair. when we went back to his place I noticed that the building was falling apart, half burned out and completely unstable- He and his neighbors in the next apartment didn't seem to mind. I thought to myself- artists will live anywhere to save a buck.
I awoke at 5:10 am thinking about drumtracks and possibilities.Sleep is a very good thing.
The need to be in a place of beauty and like minded people with opportunity and acceptance of creativity has become apparent to me.
Yes, I'm moving!
Don't worry. It's not far, and we knew this day was on it's way at least four years ago.
Now I have the education and stability to really do it and make it work for all of those involved.
She blogged hopefully...
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Up Before the Sun
I woke up too early again today. 1:10 am instead of my usual 4:30 am...
I watched Lady in the Water and made two scarves...
Too much brain activity and not enough tangible evidence of thought.
I'm working an a soundtrack to go with my monoprints.
Point. Click. Drag. Drop.
Music for the Millenium.
I watched Lady in the Water and made two scarves...
Too much brain activity and not enough tangible evidence of thought.
I'm working an a soundtrack to go with my monoprints.
Point. Click. Drag. Drop.
Music for the Millenium.
Saturday, October 3, 2009
No More Sorries
I have been a hurricane- a disaster, powerful and misunderstood.
But I have aged well.
I am still beautiful and intact.
I am still strong.
I still dance and sing and love.
I have come back through hell with the understanding that isolation and guilt are not the tools to forgiveness.
Being aware, alive, and available are the keys to all that ails.
That and sucking it up...
But I have aged well.
I am still beautiful and intact.
I am still strong.
I still dance and sing and love.
I have come back through hell with the understanding that isolation and guilt are not the tools to forgiveness.
Being aware, alive, and available are the keys to all that ails.
That and sucking it up...
Friday, October 2, 2009
An Enviable Life
I've been looking at pictures of my friends, thinking about the creativity of my family, and feeling attacked by the Green Goddess- Envy.
Then I thought: What if they envy me? The woman who GETS to be a brooding artist, with time and craziness as asset and muse...
And then I thought: How did they create their Beautiful Lives? They probably made some sort of decision along the way to live the way that they found beautiful and comforting, and to live true to themselves.
And now I'm thinking: What kind of life do I want to live? What turns me on and makes me sparkle with Joy and Content?
I know that I am so close. Just a hop, skip, and jump away to my Enviable Life. To MY inspirational storybook ending...
And the block is gone. The gloves are off. And freedom to live the life I choose is once again on the front burner.
Then I thought: What if they envy me? The woman who GETS to be a brooding artist, with time and craziness as asset and muse...
And then I thought: How did they create their Beautiful Lives? They probably made some sort of decision along the way to live the way that they found beautiful and comforting, and to live true to themselves.
And now I'm thinking: What kind of life do I want to live? What turns me on and makes me sparkle with Joy and Content?
I know that I am so close. Just a hop, skip, and jump away to my Enviable Life. To MY inspirational storybook ending...
And the block is gone. The gloves are off. And freedom to live the life I choose is once again on the front burner.
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Sometimes
I honestly don't know what's wrong with me.
I'll be going along, the work rolls. Then I hit the wall.
Any little thing sets me reeling into a strange and scary mindset.
This week iit was my Doctor saying I was too happy. I was happy. I was functioning. Creating...
Then I took the pill she told me to take and it stopped all thoughts and abilities. I thought I had my Mojo back a coupla days ago, but then I slipped again. Everywhere is Dark and tired and numb.
The only sort of relief I have is knowing that it will pass. It always does. But my bones and muscles ache with a sort of chaotic static. Stagnant stasis... ugh. Really. My head is killing me and the pain is frighteningly real, even though I know that it's a product of dis-ease. Not fair. Advil doesn't even put a dent in it. My anti-depressent is on strike.
I want to go to school. I want to go to work. I want my art back.
The days without the scaffolding scare me and make my intestines bubble.
I want to be healthy.
But I'm just so damn tired...
I miss my family. My friends. My over-joy.
But I'm in bed. Dead head.
I'll be going along, the work rolls. Then I hit the wall.
Any little thing sets me reeling into a strange and scary mindset.
This week iit was my Doctor saying I was too happy. I was happy. I was functioning. Creating...
Then I took the pill she told me to take and it stopped all thoughts and abilities. I thought I had my Mojo back a coupla days ago, but then I slipped again. Everywhere is Dark and tired and numb.
The only sort of relief I have is knowing that it will pass. It always does. But my bones and muscles ache with a sort of chaotic static. Stagnant stasis... ugh. Really. My head is killing me and the pain is frighteningly real, even though I know that it's a product of dis-ease. Not fair. Advil doesn't even put a dent in it. My anti-depressent is on strike.
I want to go to school. I want to go to work. I want my art back.
The days without the scaffolding scare me and make my intestines bubble.
I want to be healthy.
But I'm just so damn tired...
I miss my family. My friends. My over-joy.
But I'm in bed. Dead head.
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